You Are Not Alone...

Okay, so today was one of the worst days I've had in a LONG time.  Kerri had rear end issues that were horrific on two separate occasions today, I got to where I needed to be and realized I left the most important thing I needed at home, and I'm really emotional right now (should last another 3-4 days ;X) and missing family which is never a good combination.  On a positive note, I am thankful for my BFF Amanda and her mom for helping me keep an eye on the girls during my chaos even though it was her daughter's birthday party! I love genuinely good hearted people! Thanks again! You saved me from completely losing my mind!

Anyway, over the past few days, change has been brewing around here. As I have mentioned before, I don't do change well and here I sit just waiting for that brew to boil over knowing there is not a darn thing I can do to stop it! As a Christian woman, who is currently struggling with her faith, I know God is with me at all times. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me (Phil. 4:13). But right now, I'm feeling very alone.

The majority of my family is in Texas and there are a few of them I used to feel really close to, but now feel as though we're growing apart. My former in-laws (a very small family in contrast to mine); we weren't ever really close, except for Mamaw. She loves me unconditionally! Poor Mamaw is dealing with poor Papaw who is back in the hospital with an infection where his gallbladder was removed. He is in excruciating pain. Please pray for them.

While I may not have always gotten along well with various members on the in-law side, family IS family, but there is one who wants to be petty and make comments about me not being a part of the family. How's that for feeling alone!?

I am not forgetting that I have several AMAZING friends, whom I can talk to about anything and everything and they will love me until the day I die, even with my multitude of issues! But they have they're own life issues and families to take care of and be there for them. And I am not forgetting I have three beautiful children who love me and give the best hugs and kisses, but it's just not the same as having someone to talk to and hold you and just let you cry.  I am learning to recognize the things I want vs. the things I need in life and I have come to the conclusion that I am just one of those people who needs someone in my life that I can rely on for those kinds of things.

One of the changes I am dealing with is letting go of one of my very best friends. You know who I'm talking about. For the past 10 1/2 years, he has been that person for me. No matter what we'd been through, he was always there. He pushed me to try or work harder when I needed pushing, he loved me (in his own way), he held me when I need to cry,  and he would make me laugh when I needed it most (shocking, I know!). But that is all starting to change. There has been so much damage done (on both sides) over the past 18 months that the damage is almost irreparable. We have to make a clean break from each other. While I agree, I have to say,  I AM NOT ready for this change, especially while living in here without much family around to lean on. The realization that the time has come where I will no longer be able to call him on a whim just to say hi or ask for help and that is just devastating to me. I'm having trouble accepting that this is the way things are now. I just want my best friend back!

I know, I know! This isn't the end of the world!  It's just another change in life that I have to get through. Unfortunately, for me, that means having a grieving period and self pity! I WILL prevail and tomorrow will be another day! And Philippians 4:13!

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If this post seems disjointed, it is.  I had a really hard time putting my thoughts into words while trying to keep from airing my dirty laundry! This blog is meant for me to express my thoughts, feelings, and opinions so if you have a comment about this post, please tread carefully. Thank you!