Today is day one of  "The Double Whammy."  What is the Double Whammy, you ask?  Well, let's, March 31, 2011 is the day that would have been my 10th wedding anniversary.  I would have been sitting on a cruise right now if things had gone the way I had planned, but I guess God had other plans for me.  I don't know what those plans are, but I sure am glad I have enough faith in God to wait and see, even though it does hurt. So, why is it a DOUBLE whammy? It's a double whammy because TOMORROW, April 1, 2011 (no April fool!) is the one year anniversary of my divorce.  Even though these two days make up a double whammy, I am actually VERY thankful to have these dates so close together so I only have to deal with the heartache "once" a year instead of at two different times.  The D Day could have been near a holiday (YIKES!) thus souring something joyous!

Needless to say, there has been some crying.  And I can't seem to get Little Texas' What Might Have Been out of my head! 

Fear not! There is some happy to this sad little post!  Tomorrow night one of my BFFs, Mrs. HS, and I will be headed to my favorite restaurant, Benihana, and then hanging out with some of her siblings.  Who doesn't love a night out without kids!?!

~Praising God for His plan, His mercy, His goodness, and for blessing me with such great friends!~

(AP, you are missed dearly and your presence would most definitely have been requested and required! Hope you're enjoying my your cruise!)
In case you were wondering, no, I haven't "quit" blogging!  I'm still here!  See me?!  It's been very challenging to post anything lately because LIFE has taken over! I successfully (barely) registered Kathryn for Kindergarten last Tuesday!  I can't remember much of Wednesday through Saturday though.  Bill's grandfather has been in and out of the hospital several times over the past 6 weeks and it's been difficult for all members of the family.  Just when we think he's well, he falls ill again.  Thankfully, Bill has had the time to help pick up the slack.  He spent all week laying new flooring in his grandmother's kitchen and dining room.  He's also been helping his aunt with some work around her house.  All of which means that I have been spending LOTS of time alone with ALL 3 kids! I'm extremely thankful, it's just that one day I was actually shaking from nervousness from all the squealing and screaming the kids were doing! THAT'S NOT NORMAL!  I've just reread this passage and I have to say, please forgive me for my extra bad grammar and composition. I am beyond sleep deprived!  Anyway, there are many changes going on which I will post about soon.  I just thought I would let the 2 people who actually read this know that I'm still alive!
Okay, so today was one of the worst days I've had in a LONG time.  Kerri had rear end issues that were horrific on two separate occasions today, I got to where I needed to be and realized I left the most important thing I needed at home, and I'm really emotional right now (should last another 3-4 days ;X) and missing family which is never a good combination.  On a positive note, I am thankful for my BFF Amanda and her mom for helping me keep an eye on the girls during my chaos even though it was her daughter's birthday party! I love genuinely good hearted people! Thanks again! You saved me from completely losing my mind!

Anyway, over the past few days, change has been brewing around here. As I have mentioned before, I don't do change well and here I sit just waiting for that brew to boil over knowing there is not a darn thing I can do to stop it! As a Christian woman, who is currently struggling with her faith, I know God is with me at all times. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me (Phil. 4:13). But right now, I'm feeling very alone.

The majority of my family is in Texas and there are a few of them I used to feel really close to, but now feel as though we're growing apart. My former in-laws (a very small family in contrast to mine); we weren't ever really close, except for Mamaw. She loves me unconditionally! Poor Mamaw is dealing with poor Papaw who is back in the hospital with an infection where his gallbladder was removed. He is in excruciating pain. Please pray for them.

While I may not have always gotten along well with various members on the in-law side, family IS family, but there is one who wants to be petty and make comments about me not being a part of the family. How's that for feeling alone!?

I am not forgetting that I have several AMAZING friends, whom I can talk to about anything and everything and they will love me until the day I die, even with my multitude of issues! But they have they're own life issues and families to take care of and be there for them. And I am not forgetting I have three beautiful children who love me and give the best hugs and kisses, but it's just not the same as having someone to talk to and hold you and just let you cry.  I am learning to recognize the things I want vs. the things I need in life and I have come to the conclusion that I am just one of those people who needs someone in my life that I can rely on for those kinds of things.

One of the changes I am dealing with is letting go of one of my very best friends. You know who I'm talking about. For the past 10 1/2 years, he has been that person for me. No matter what we'd been through, he was always there. He pushed me to try or work harder when I needed pushing, he loved me (in his own way), he held me when I need to cry,  and he would make me laugh when I needed it most (shocking, I know!). But that is all starting to change. There has been so much damage done (on both sides) over the past 18 months that the damage is almost irreparable. We have to make a clean break from each other. While I agree, I have to say,  I AM NOT ready for this change, especially while living in here without much family around to lean on. The realization that the time has come where I will no longer be able to call him on a whim just to say hi or ask for help and that is just devastating to me. I'm having trouble accepting that this is the way things are now. I just want my best friend back!

I know, I know! This isn't the end of the world!  It's just another change in life that I have to get through. Unfortunately, for me, that means having a grieving period and self pity! I WILL prevail and tomorrow will be another day! And Philippians 4:13!


If this post seems disjointed, it is.  I had a really hard time putting my thoughts into words while trying to keep from airing my dirty laundry! This blog is meant for me to express my thoughts, feelings, and opinions so if you have a comment about this post, please tread carefully. Thank you!
Today was a happy and sad day for me...

Almost 10 years ago, we purchased a travel system for the little bundle of joy we were expecting! I loved the pattern, but being the unexperienced 19 year old I was and married to Mr. Frugal Man, I decided to go with the travel system with the lowest price tag/best deal...

BIG MISTAKE! BIG! HUGE! - Name that movie!

The stroller, I so affectionately came to think of as The Beast, was the last of it's kind, a dinosaur, which is why we got such a good deal on it.  Metrolites were the next big thing coming to town! WHAT WAS I THINKING NOT GETTING ONE OF THOSE?!?  The Beast had many wonderful qualities such as a large basket, almost full recline, a large canopy, parent cup holder and key cubby, a 5 pt. harness, and a snack tray with drink holder.

It was perfect for when we went to the zoo. The Beast comfortably held each of my babies as they experienced nature for the very first time. It held the food we would take for picnic lunches. When the kids would get tired, The Beast was there when they needed to nap!

holding shopping bags at the mall,  and for travelling. The Beast (and it's very large basket) was there for me MANY times as I had to truck through the airport with a purse, diaper bag, laptop bag, camera, and video camera - on more than one occasion! Oh, and the baby (and the other 2 babies that came later).

The reason I am glad to see it go...IT WAS HUGE! And by huge I mean WIDE! When I would go shopping, I would hit EVERY rack! It was impossible not to!  This took the joy out of shopping and caused me unnecessary stress. And I lived with it for almost 10 YEARS!

Well.....NOT ANYMORE! I helped Bill clean out the garage this weekend! As we came across the stroller he said, "I am sick of looking at this thing! It just takes up too much space; too much space in the car and too much space in my garage! Set it out with the trash!" And so, with bittersweet joy, I set it out with the rest of the trash.  Then I promptly turned to Bill and said, "How much you wanna bet someone is going to drive by and take it before the garbage man comes even though it has a broken brake, the cubby lid is broken, and the seat won't stay up anymore!?" Bill then left to go run errands and sho'nough, some hillbilly in a pick-up truck came by and took the stroller and put it in the back of his truck! And as that thrifty man drove away, I a tear formed in my eye, I sniffled, and then proclaimed, "DING, DONG, THE BEAST IS DEAD!" Really! I did!

Now...on to find an inexpensive stroller that reclines and has a large basket...since I'll only need it for 18-24 more months! Craigslist here I come!
On August 25, 2011, my life will be permanently changed....again. My beautiful first born daughter, Kathryn, will start...*SOB*....Kindergarten! I have begun the registration process and have to turn it in on March 22nd. I have so many mixed emotions about this new journey in my life! I am excited for her as she really wants to go to school.  I am excited for the many things that she will be able to learn (that I wasn't able to take the time to teach her with having Kerri to tend to)! I am excited at the prospect of getting one on one time with Kerri! I am sad to be losing my back rubber and snuggle muffin! I am nervous about not being able to watch over her every minute of the day. And I am both relieved and irritated that Kindergarten is going to be 1/2 day which really means only 2 hours and 45 mins at school!  This is REALLY going to put a cramp on my daily schedule! We don't get to choose AM (9a-11:45a) or PM (1p-3:55p), but I'm pretty sure from what I've seen at the bus stop, our neighborhood is on the AM Kindergarten schedule.  If this is true, it will actually work out with my work out schedule!  YAY! Now to factor in dance/gymnastics! With her only going 1/2 a day that will mean I still get to have my back rubbed and be snuggled with! AWESOME! ;)

Anyway, another one will bite the dust this fall and that will leave me a few hours a day to spend with my last baby! Actually, it won't if I'll be driving to the gym, working out, and driving back from the gym (they only have child care from 9a-12p and 5p-8p which is when we do dinner/baths)...that will eat up all of my "alone" time with Kerri.  Something's gotta give here people!

Have I mentioned I HATE change?  Typical Aquarius!

Well, I've done it.  I've jumped on the Blog Bandwagon. Okay, so not really. I started a blog 5 years ago this month and after a year and 15-20 posts later I gave it up (read: failed to maintain).  Now, I can't remember the username nor the password to get into it!  I will put a link to it on this blog so you can read about when Kathryn and Alex were little and Kerri wasn't even a twinkle in my eye! I think my previous blog sets the tone for my "new" blog so I hope all 2 of you who even read this will check it out!

Anyway, there are several purposes for this blog. The first would be because I like to hear myself talk, but the sad reality is if I started talking to myself out loud, then I might be put into an insane asylum, so typing to see my thoughts on "paper" will just have to suffice! Next, I would like the blog to be the place where I share all the cute and hideous things my children say and do! I would feel that I need a platform for my ceaseless and never-ending opinions and Facebook just 'aint cutting it anymore!

As always, feel free to correct any grammarical errors you may find!

Until next time,